Goal #6, losing weight, is the hardest of my 101 goals. Obviously I choose to eat as I do for a reason, and bucking that takes a lot of energy. In my last post I said that I have not been using the Hunger Scale very much, and that is still true. I also said that I had picked up a new idea of exercise from writer Brooke Castillo, this idea that exercise can be a gift of movement to my body instead of minor torture. And that is still true, too! I have been choosing to spend a chunk of time outside in the mornings, and depending on what I actually do, count it as exercise. Hauling bark in buckets, digging holes, weeding, and planting brings up the old heart rate, so I feel absolutely no guilt in logging it as exercise! I’s fun and I get things done that I want done. Plus, (and this is a major plus) the scale gave feedback that paying some attention to hunger/fullness added to exercise is a way for me to lose weight! Slowly, but in the right direction!
This is not a smooth path, even though the above paragraph makes it sound like it is. I faithfully work outside for a week or so, then feel sore and tired, and quit. For a while. Then I get inspired and pick it up again. I’m currently on the ‘pick it up again’ section. I’m planting all the leftover flower seeds I have collected over the years. Scattering them, really. I’m happy to be doing this, and I am looking forward to seeing how many seeds are still good, and how many plants actually appear. And the process of weeding, preparing the ground, and planting is exercise. It makes me mad that I quit. But I desperately need to get away from the all-or-nothing, win-or-fail feelings. I need to see that my progress is halting, but in the right direction.
Another rough path is weighing. I react to the scale’s feedback. If I have put on some weight I unvaryingly think, “What’s the use? I might as well eat however much I want.” And I do. For a while. If I have lost some weight – I go into this weird panic type thing, and eat as much as I think I want. For a while. It’s so frustrating. Eventually I even out and remember why I want to choose to stop eating when I’m not hungry. It takes a few days, though. And results in small weight gains. This is part of the reason I am checking in with the scale every few weeks. The broader picture is the most helpful. Again, my progress is not a straight line, but it is in the right direction.
Here’s an aside. An unexpected result of eating less is less heartburn. And when I start eating when I’m not hungry, ususally eating too much at one sitting, I get more heartburn. And not just after the meal. At night, and the next morning. My body giving me feedback.